Reach out. Renew a broken or faded relationship
– or say a proper goodbye
A wise and important book, written in an elegant, easy-to-understand way, so everyone can benefit.
Line Crump Horsted
Released in Denmark September 2018.
During 2019 the Book will be published in Russian, korean, Latvian, Turkish, Chinese, Czech, and probably several other languages.
Title: Do You Miss Someone? How to heal a damaged relationship – or let it go
The following editions are on the way but have not yet been released
The Russian edition
Publisher: Alpina Publisher
The Latvian edition
Publisher: Zvaigzne ABC
Publisher: Sola Unitas Academy
The Korean edition
About the Book
How can you restore trust and openness with someone with whom you have lost contact or intimacy in an unresolved way?
Perhaps, you have a family member or a friend you miss but no longer see. You may also be in a situation in which you actually do see each other – indeed, even live together – but you can no longer find the openness and emotional connection you once had with them.
As a pastoral caretaker and psychotherapist, I have listened to many people talk about their relationships and discovered how little most people know about restoring a damaged relationship. Many people think it has to do with explaining yourself, but explanations often just make things worse. There are other ways of handling the situation that are far more productive.
In this book, I present different strategies that may be helpful when you would like to re-establish or just improve a relationship. I do this with many examples and with an array of words and phrases you can use in different situations.
At the end of each chapter, I provide exercises that can help you see yourself and your relationship in a clearer light. Some of the exercises may stir up many emotions. Before you begin to engage in an exercise, therefore, it may be a good idea to make an arrangement to call a friend if you need to talk during or after you are finished.
You can read the entire book or use it as a catalogue of ideas or a reference work. The detailed table of contents and the brief summaries after each chapter make it easy to find your way around it.
Most people change and develop throughout their lives. It is completely natural for friendships to alter or fade away to make room for new friendships. The purpose of this book is not to encourage people to cling tooth and nail to what was. However, where good friendships or family relationships fall apart because of misunderstandings or conflicts you did not clean up after properly, there may be good reasons to stop and investigate what options may exist to rebuild the relationship.
In this book, I am predominantly an advocate for relationships and try to inspire people to see new possibilities in relationships they may have given up on. This does not mean that I always think it is best to stay in contact. There may be situations in which it is necessary to let go of someone either to aid with your own flourishing or just because it is the least painful thing to do. In chapter 12, you can read what good (or less good) reasons there may typically be to let go of someone.
In the book, I draw primarily on experiences from my practice as a parish pastor and, later, as a psychotherapist during which I worked as a couples therapist, helped parents reach out to children with whom they have become estranged, and listened to many relationship problems. I also draw on my own experiences. You can read more about them in the introduction.
At the end of the book, you will find a test I have developed for this publication. Here, you can measure your willingness to reach out to the person you miss. You can use the test to reflect on how far you are willing to go.
Instead of using “he or she,” I have decided consistently to use “she” about persons whose gender I do not know. I hope that you as a reader will simply substitute “she” with “he” if the relation-ship you want to focus on is with a man.
Copyright © Ilse Sand 2018
First published in 2018 by Forlaget Ammentorp, Denmark with the title:
Savner du én?
Guide til at hele en beskadiget relation – eller give slip.